Imperio, Now I Own Your Soul

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. I sit on the edge of the bed, gasping for breath as I try to cling to sanity. Inhale. Exhale. As the world spins around me, I grasp my head in my hands trying to shake free of the blackness that clings to my vision. At this point, I can't even recall what triggered it. All I know is that my lungs are heavy, my chest feels like lead and my hands shake like they'll never be still again. Inhale. Exhale. Panic attacks .  Dictionary meaning : A sudden feeling of acute and disabling anxiety. What an apt description. And yet. Even though the description is perfect.  It's also, so underwhelming. Anxiety, Depression. Hopelessness. They're all just words. Squiggly lines on paper. An A here, a T there. String them together, make a word.  But what word, what line, can properly convey the despair and the hopelessness felt. The feeling that all happiness is beyond your reach. The bottomless p...

SUNKEN Empty words, broken dreams Fruitless orchards, waterless streams Gusty sighs, weary bones Blank eyes in a face of stone Fingernails dig into my hand  In the overgrown wilderness I stand A graveyard full of lost hope Where lies buried that with which I could not cope Scars and bruises cover my soul Oh life clearly took its toll A student of strife, a soldier of pain Close my eyes, go down memory lane To a time of joy, a time of laughter Where I worried not about what came after.

DELUSION People say that you get inspiration from rock bottom.  That when you hit the ground. When there's no way you could fall more. You get back up again and you rise up.  Bullshit.  There is no rock bottom to hit. That cloud over you? It doesn't have a silver lining. The April showers won't bring any May flowers to your life. Anxiety is you. You are Anxiety.  If I had a penny for every time someone wrongfully said it would get better, I'd be rich but that won't happen because that would be nice.  And Life isn't giving you nice.  Sure you get breaks. Moments of tranquility. But that's just the calm before the storm.  Sometimes I think maybe that's part of the torture. That ray of hope. Dangling in front of you as bait. And you fall for it. Everytime.  And then Life swoops in and snatches that hope and with the hammer of Reality it crushes your dreams.  And you're there on the ground picking up the shards, vowing you'l...